My monster

I recently came across this piece that
I wrote in August 2004. It describes the demon that I characterized
as my eating disorder at the time. To go with this piece, I created a mascot.
One that represented my physical enemy, one that wore worn out running shoes,
had thick thighs and was an evil person. I now realize that this was also the voice
of my bipolar disorder.
My, how far I’ve come…

My Monster

Lives inside
Is so stubborn
Is ego centric and “better” than anyone
Brings deep despair
Chatters ALL the time
Makes me dizzy
Tells me things that aren’t true
Does not always make sense
Tells me I’m not good enough
Tells me my body should look a certain way
…that I have elephant thighs and a baboon butt
Makes me believe I need to plan everything
…what I eat, what I do, what I say
Doesn’t let me stop
Makes me weak and tired
Tells me what I can eat
Forces me to be perfect
Makes me punish myself when I’m not
Eats away at my soul
Scares me
NEEDS TO FUCK OFF