Sunday Scribblings #34 – Date

“It’s not something I would usually do”, she said, blood rushing to her cheeks in a random, blotchy pattern and drawing tingly warmth to her ears. Her heart beat so fast that it warmed her scalp , and she felt sure that it was transforming her silvery-white hair back to the carrot orange colour it once was.

“I would normally never set foot in a place like this”.
Who was she explaining herself to?
Her mumbles weren’t loud or clear enough to be heard by the pairs of ears around her.
And even if they were, nobody much cared anyhow.
The pairs of eyes between those ears stared blankly ahead, not at her.
The lack of judgement was strange, unexpected, welcoming.

Still, the sensation of the vibrations in her throat trying to validate her reasoning and
to justify her decision felt right.
Just right.
They reassured her and reminded her that this was indeed what she needed to do.
For herself, for no one but herself.

As she sat, she nervously swallowed the risk she felt she was about to take.
The risk that they would think her out of her rocker.
Now this didn’t mean she was changing her mind or backing down.
No, no, she was determined to do this.

She had lived too much of her life by other’s rules.
A sharp shooter who tended to other’s needs before her own,
whose focus wasalways outward and never inwards.
The fear of rejection, criticism and disapproval stopped her from thinking for herself long ago
and dissolved her identity.
For all though years, she had taken pride in her self-sacrifice,
but now it was time to stop being a push-over and act from her own desire instead of
someone else’s.

The camouflaging of her true nature by chronic niceness had put her on edge,
and she was ready to reclaim her authentic self.

“Mrs. Smith?”

She smiled, now with renewed confidence, and followed her into the back room.

“What are we doing today?”, asked the young woman who ushered her to the chair and began writing on a clipboard.

“Today’s date”, and pointed to the tops of both her feet.

“Today’s date?”, she paused and peered up out of the top of her glasses. “Why today’s date?”.

“Well, if you tattoo today’s date on my feet,
then I’ll remember that today was the day
I decided to stand on my own and be my own person”.