I have STOPPED WASTING TIME trying to change my body

Change is such a complicated concept on so many levels.

In my early 30s, when my world was changing all around me, I felt helpless.  I don’t know if it was one thing or a combination of things, but the changes happening in my life made me feel out of control.

Change challenged me and ultimately pushed me to create change in myself.  Initially, the change felt like a positive one.

I began exercising. And then I began to notice that the more exercise I did, the more I could change my body.  Soon I noticed that the less I ate, the more I could change my body.  And changing my body was something I’d spent 30 years striving to do.

(Distorted Body Image. Photo credit: Leanne Surfleet)

So suddenly change was a great thing in my life.

Until I was diagnosed with anorexia and an exercise addiction.

And until I started compromising my marriage and relationships because of my obsessive need to exercise and my restrictive eating habits. How’s that for change?

What started out as a healthy coping mechanism to deal with change turned into an addictive need to hold on to this change I’d created in my body.  For several years, I lived an extremely unhealthy lifestyle because I was desperate to maintain this change.   Lasting and irreversible physical conditions were the consequence of me trying to change my body.

Now? Well I’ve done tons of work to manage my body image issues.

And now I realize that change is something that needs to happen naturally. The control thing just doesn’t feel right for my body any more.

Besides, it’s a monster waste of time.

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