Wake up! How I learned to feel more alive through Nia Technique

Have you ever been insecure about your cognitive abilities?  If you have, then you’ll know that it’s really, really stressful.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve felt like something was a little “off” with my mind.  Like I needed to simply wake up.  I felt that way about school, music lessons, sports, social skills, and more.

Did it have to do with my traumatic birth and tremors?  Or the distress of losing my father to suicide at 2 1/2 years old?

Did it have to do with the time I crashed head-first into a tree while tobogganing? Or maybe it was related to that week long stay in hospital when I was 19 because the left side of my body was numb?

I can remember thinking that if someone could just “tighten a screw” in my brain, I would be able to understand what the math teacher was talking about and wouldn’t have so much difficulty learning and remembering new ideas.

While I always did well in school, I figure that was as a result of hard work, not intelligence. I believe that what got me through was my tenacity, resourcefulness and ability to implement “work arounds” for myself.

Life is good

I only have to say “5 years” to my husband and he knows what I’m talking about. I’m referring to the fact that, for 5 years after graduating, my life as a Speech-Language Pathologist was good.

No worries, no problems, I was where I wanted to be. Now out of school, the stress of feeling the need to “wake up” had disappeared. Paul and I had a home, a car, we both had good jobs. We were in love, had good friends and had our health.

Emotional numbness

Unfortunately, Paul’s dad was diagnosed with Non Hodgkin’s Lymphoma at that 5 year mark. I was doing my best to be supportive and at the same time my anxiety was skyrocketing. The overwhelming anxiety certainly didn’t help me with my ability to think clearly and use all the vital cognitive skills I needed to live and do my job.

In order to cope with this anxiety, I began exercising. I desperately wanted to be healthy, fearful of this new cancer diagnosis in our family. I didn’t know it then, but I was “numbing” my feelings.   And I needed to distance myself from that familiar feeling of not quite “getting it”. Exercise was the answer.

The trouble was that I worked out SO MUCH that I became addicted to exercise. My attempts at “being healthy” went too far and I ended up with anorexia.

I lost control and became obsessed with my body.  I remember feeling emotionally numb most of the time and that I had truly lost control.  My life was so mechanical and planned and I was a master manipulator of my body.

Surrender

I lived for many years with my exercise addiction and anorexia.  I felt like I was not connected to my body – like I was a robot without the ability to sense or feel.  And that nagging feeling of “missing something” and “not quite getting it” was definitely worse.

And then I discovered Nia (the original low impact cardio workout). After my introduction to Nia (and through a LOT of psychotherapy),  I slowly began to learn how to trust my body and my mind.  I gradually learned how to slow down and ease up on the frantic pace I had been living my life at.

Once I understood how good it feels to move for pleasure (instead of punishment), I began to surrender to that ideal.

Eventually I was able allow my emotions to flow instead of numbing them through exercise.  And I started to learn more about myself – my unique and special characteristics that I now celebrate.

I began to wake up –  and not just in my body. Since I have been practicing Nia I have felt more alive and alert mentally, I can manage my emotions more productively and I value all that I am, regardless of my abilities, what I look like or what people think of me.  I see colours more sharply, I hear music in everything I encounter and I am able to manage the ups and downs of life with much more grace and ease.

Through Nia I have developed a confidence I have never ever known and now offer body positive fitness classes 7 times per week!

Want to feel better yourself?  Join me for an online class sometime soon!

Click here to learn more.