Four Agreements: How they fit into my life

When I began my first level of Nia training in 2006 (the white belt), I learned about an ancient philosophy and means of communicating, based on toltec wisdom, that has been so helpful for me ever since.

Don Miguel Ruiz is one of many folks who revived and shared this amazing lifestyle practice through his book, The Four Agreements.

Here are these simple guideposts for living that, in truth, are a bitch for me to use consistently (especially #4):

1.Don’t Assume

Every single time I assume something, I am making up a story. It’s been a struggle for me to just accept what is, and not fill in the gaps with my active imagination. When I’m able to do this, however, I find myself experiencing less disappointment overall.

2. Don’t take things personally

I’ve come to believe that taking things personally is actually my ego’s way of getting the better of me. It is quite narcissistic to think that what’s going on around me is actually directed AT ME, don’t you think?  It’s truer for me that others really aren’t thinking “oh gee, how can I get Jenn going? How can I tick her off today?”. When I’m able to remember that people are dealing with their own shit, and that one’s own shit is what fuels much of human behaviour, then it’s crystal clear: it’s NOT about me!

3. Do your best

Being a bit of an overachiever for my whole life, I’ve never really had a problem with this one.  Yet, I have still learned so much from this principle, and it’s helped me be both more forgiving and honest with myself. When things go wrong, I can check in with myself. “Jenn, did you do your best in this situation?”. If my answer is “yes”, then I can pitch self-blame in the trash.  If I my answer is “no”, then, bingo, I have another learning opportunity.  Also, I’ve become much more realistic with myself, knowing that “my best” is something that changes daily for a whole bunch of reasons.

4. Be impeccable

Short is sweet. Being on time is key. Telling the truth (about myself to myself, about myself to others) is necessary. That lesson I was horrified to learn in front of my peers in first year English from our prof – bullshit baffles brains – is true. Cut to the chase and make the point.  All of the above are pretty tough for me, I’m not gonna lie.  I’m not even sure I’m doing anything about that at the moment, but… well, that’s just the way it is.